Memorial Year 2

That time of year is here AGAIN… September 26- A dreaded month… An unforgettable date… A painful memory… That has scarred us forever.

I remember you like it was just yesterday…

I remember your entrance to our ‘Hanover Gate Mansions’- you would walk in with a sneaky smile and see what Samo and I we’re cooking- disappear into your room until dinner was ready then eat ‘home cooking’ with the greatest satisfaction.

I remember your last years with me so clearly- we fought so many times over everything and anything but at the end of the day we worried about each other, talked openly, listened with all ears, advised with our hearts and we’re as close as any brother and sister could possibly be.

I remember when you first moved to London and I came down to help you settle in and fix your dorm room. We cleaned all day and when it came time for me to leave I broke down with strong ‘motherly’ sentiments. I was so scared to leave you alone. I wanted to protect you for life. On my way back, I sat on the train with tears streaming down my cheeks BUT I still had you then…Now the tears roll down uncontrollably, my breathe shortens, my body shakes, and my heart aches but you are nowhere to be seen…

I remember the last BIRTHDAY we shared. Your friends were ALL in London as though it was meant to be- they celebrated your 21 years of life and you walked around hugging everyone and expressing how much you loved us ALL.

I remember when we went to hospital at 6 am with a half shaved head and a half shaved goatee which was intended for ‘spicing’ up your UCL classes. When we walked into the hospital everyone around us was staring with awe. When I left you lying down on that hospital bed, I felt helpless… I felt that once again I had lost my ‘protective’ instincts…

I remember when you began to worry about what direction you wanted to take after you graduated. I remember you preparing for job interviews and trying hopelessly to iron your suits. I would take over and we would talk all night- I wanted to so badly tell you then and there how proud I was of you yet the words wouldn’t come out easily and now I look back and regret it.

I remember when I was studying hard for my final year exams and you wanted to cheer me up so you surprised me with a Justin Timberlake CD.

I remember my last slow dance with you- it was at Khaled and Memo’s wedding. I felt like the luckiest sister in the world that night! I think of ‘our song’ and PROMISE you that one day I will find the strength to watch the wedding video and hold the song close to my heart.

I remember when you, me, and Ahmad cruised in Lebanon on your last summer with us. You talked and guided us- we shared experiences, laughter, and then you told us about the money you have been giving to charity instead of using it for clubbing purposes. I remember walking away that night with the biggest and proudest smile!

I remember when you asked me to teach you how to pray. You we’re so cute, we would go over how to ‘it’wada’ and you would ask me everyday to go over it with you because you didn’t want to get anything wrong.

I remember my last gift from you… A pink, heart-shaped necklace. You gave it to me and quickly ran out of the room (since us Bahamde’s aren’t that great at the sentimental stuff). I wear that necklace whenever I feel like I need strength; whenever I feel like I need you, and cherish it will all my heart!

I remember my last sighting of you- You had gone to London for your graduation and we’re meant to leave the same day Ahmad and I arrived. Luckily, you locked yourself out of Nessrine’s house and missed your flight causing Ahmad and I to gain two extra days with you. I thank God I fell asleep on the couch that morning you left. You we’re wearing a white t-shirt with light jeans. I heard your movements and opened my eyes. You looked like an angel…You stood in front of me, I remember hugging you tightly and you walked away… Not knowing that that would be the LAST time I’d see you, I’d hold you, I’d smell you, I’d talk to you…

They say, ‘Time Is a Great Healer.’  T I M E? Years… Days… Hours… Minutes… Seconds… are passing by but the pain still feels REAL. The pain intensifies when I think of what my parents must be going through? If I feel this way, what would my dad be going through? What would my mother’s heart be crying?

Mom and Dad… This is the worst pain the world has to offer… It is unnatural… and it is unfair… You both don’t deserve to be going through such a torment but my baby brother, your beautiful son has gone to a better and safer place. He is now in Allah’s hands and watching over us. ALI’s wishes were to see you eternally happy- Think of him and smile.

You are both an inspiration to me and my siblings. We love you with all that we are made of. The tears will never cease, the hurt will never diminish, and the memories will be eternally cherished. Just hold them close to your hearts and although we we’re unable to ‘safeguard’ ALI this time, know that it was BEYOND OUR CONTROL. It was Allah’s will…

Ahmad, Zainab, and Neveen… I am ALWAYS here for you- As a role model, sister, friend, or parent. You guys and mom and dad are MY EVERYTHING!

ALOUSH… I LOVE U AND MISS U BEYOND ANY WORDS CAN EXPRESS! I AM SORRY I COULDN’T PROTECT U! I AM SORRY I DIDN’T OFTEN SHOW U HOW MUCH U MEAN TO ME AND ABOVE ALL, I AM SORRY IF I EVER LET U DOWN… I PRAY TO SEE U UP IN THE HEAVEN’S ABOVE.

-Darine Ahmad

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Memorial Year 1

FROM AHMAD TO HIS FAMILY ON THE MORNING OF SEPTEMBER 26th: